2008 Woodie Awards
The son of a sham
Alan Malnar
Issue date: 2/24/06 Section: Opinion
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Imagine a B-grade horror flick based upon a "true" story. Well, not r-e-a-l-l-y, but it's a fantastical tale in the "true" style of Holly-weird.
In the interest of those who've lately attempted to buy or sell a home-The Son of Sham is destined to be a cult-classic.
Like Jason and Freddy, the main character, Charlie, delivers an unforgettable performance. He's sixteen. He dreams of breaking into the local real-estate business, but he's too young to secure a legal license. No need, however, to concern ourselves with frivolous details. Stretch your imagination a bit-this is Hollywood.
Charlie graduates from one of those fly-by-night real estate schools, learns the "ins and outs" of a very "cut-throat" business. He's a wiz-kid counterfeiter, an extraordinary intellect of "hacker-fame." He penetrates the data systems of the Arizona Department of Real Estate, produces a falsely registered license to sell local properties.
An iconic character, Charlie is genetically gifted with business savvy and panache. In order to maintain a sense of industry equilibrium, he keeps a "gut-level" perspective. He knows when and how to get an inside "stab" at opportunity. His salesmanship is "cutting edge." He attends Las Vegas conferences, and is actively involved in efficient NET-working-that is, Charlie usually binds his victims in a tangle of lies before the final pièce de résistance.
Charlie's in cahoots with other notorious delinquents whose petrifying activity, to borrow the words of one anonymous critic, includes "the most irksome, closed, anti-competitive, quasi-monopolistic, overpriced service," available to the American public. These notorious villains restrain access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS). To the misfortune of buyers, they dramatically inflate the price of homes. To the misfortune of sellers, they surgically and methodologically "slash" 6% off the top before you can even say "ouch!"
You can plead for your life with Charlie, but he's "dead" set on 6%. He doesn't want to be blackballed from the lucrative and legal serial-killing-of-helpless-victims-of-real-estate-sales and be considered by other brokerage firms as something akin to a scab crossing the picket line.
In the interest of those who've lately attempted to buy or sell a home-The Son of Sham is destined to be a cult-classic.
Like Jason and Freddy, the main character, Charlie, delivers an unforgettable performance. He's sixteen. He dreams of breaking into the local real-estate business, but he's too young to secure a legal license. No need, however, to concern ourselves with frivolous details. Stretch your imagination a bit-this is Hollywood.
Charlie graduates from one of those fly-by-night real estate schools, learns the "ins and outs" of a very "cut-throat" business. He's a wiz-kid counterfeiter, an extraordinary intellect of "hacker-fame." He penetrates the data systems of the Arizona Department of Real Estate, produces a falsely registered license to sell local properties.
An iconic character, Charlie is genetically gifted with business savvy and panache. In order to maintain a sense of industry equilibrium, he keeps a "gut-level" perspective. He knows when and how to get an inside "stab" at opportunity. His salesmanship is "cutting edge." He attends Las Vegas conferences, and is actively involved in efficient NET-working-that is, Charlie usually binds his victims in a tangle of lies before the final pièce de résistance.
Charlie's in cahoots with other notorious delinquents whose petrifying activity, to borrow the words of one anonymous critic, includes "the most irksome, closed, anti-competitive, quasi-monopolistic, overpriced service," available to the American public. These notorious villains restrain access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS). To the misfortune of buyers, they dramatically inflate the price of homes. To the misfortune of sellers, they surgically and methodologically "slash" 6% off the top before you can even say "ouch!"
You can plead for your life with Charlie, but he's "dead" set on 6%. He doesn't want to be blackballed from the lucrative and legal serial-killing-of-helpless-victims-of-real-estate-sales and be considered by other brokerage firms as something akin to a scab crossing the picket line.