2008 Woodie Awards
Plane Pilot Talk
Jack Hartmann
Issue date: 3/10/06 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 1
Plane pilot talk is a lite approach, in plain language, for questions about commercial or military planes, pilots, or aviation. E-Mail: [jack.hartmann@hisurfer.net]
Q: The airlines are trying to board the passengers faster and faster to save money. Sometimes we feel like a bunch of cattle being herded into the airplane. Isn't there a better way?
A: The more hours an airplane flies, the more money an airline can make (or, in the case of some airlines, lose!). The "efficiency experts" have gotten the boarding process down to about 20 minutes. Entering the Jetway makes me feel (Mooo) like I'm in a chute about to enter a (Mooo) cattle car. All we need now are cattle prods for the Flight Attendants. Some people will switch to an airline that treats them like a,…a, …person?
Then there's the deplaning process. (Why don't we call it unboarding?) Sometimes this is the worst part of the flight. I have actually taken 45 minutes to deplane some flights because I sat in the last row. It seems that everyone has 10 carry-ons, each the size of a small refrigerator!
Hellooo!!! The plane manufacturers built a rear passenger door for a reason. For passengers to use it!! I was on a Southwest flight at Ontario, Ca. that used steps and they were boarding at the rear while deplaning from the front. The flight attendants were in the middle cleaning as they went. It took 15 minutes total and was very pleasant.
Most airports use jetways and I realize the ramps are very crowded but I just know that some smart engineer is going to design a jetway to go to the rear passenger door. Do you think the new Airbus A-380 will deplane all 380 people through one little front door?
I have my own idea. Have you ever seen a cargo plane loading or unloading? They use huge containers that slide on rollers in and out of the airplane. Suppose they made a container that held 30 passenger seats and had windows. You could spend all the time you wanted putting your refrigerators in the overhead and getting seated.
The plane comes in - raises its nose - squirts out the arriving containers - squirts in the new containers and off goes the plane in about 5 minutes! The arriving containers would slide to the curb where you could leisurely get out. The section could now be properly cleaned for the next group.
Remember, you heard it here first!! Boeing, are you listening? Moooo!
Jack Hartmann has been an aviator for over 44 years - Airline Captain (TWA), Corporate Pilot, Sky Marshal, Fighter Pilot (USAF & ANG), General Aviation pilot (CFII) and Asst. Professor, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University (Prescott).
Q: The airlines are trying to board the passengers faster and faster to save money. Sometimes we feel like a bunch of cattle being herded into the airplane. Isn't there a better way?
A: The more hours an airplane flies, the more money an airline can make (or, in the case of some airlines, lose!). The "efficiency experts" have gotten the boarding process down to about 20 minutes. Entering the Jetway makes me feel (Mooo) like I'm in a chute about to enter a (Mooo) cattle car. All we need now are cattle prods for the Flight Attendants. Some people will switch to an airline that treats them like a,…a, …person?
Then there's the deplaning process. (Why don't we call it unboarding?) Sometimes this is the worst part of the flight. I have actually taken 45 minutes to deplane some flights because I sat in the last row. It seems that everyone has 10 carry-ons, each the size of a small refrigerator!
Hellooo!!! The plane manufacturers built a rear passenger door for a reason. For passengers to use it!! I was on a Southwest flight at Ontario, Ca. that used steps and they were boarding at the rear while deplaning from the front. The flight attendants were in the middle cleaning as they went. It took 15 minutes total and was very pleasant.
Most airports use jetways and I realize the ramps are very crowded but I just know that some smart engineer is going to design a jetway to go to the rear passenger door. Do you think the new Airbus A-380 will deplane all 380 people through one little front door?
I have my own idea. Have you ever seen a cargo plane loading or unloading? They use huge containers that slide on rollers in and out of the airplane. Suppose they made a container that held 30 passenger seats and had windows. You could spend all the time you wanted putting your refrigerators in the overhead and getting seated.
The plane comes in - raises its nose - squirts out the arriving containers - squirts in the new containers and off goes the plane in about 5 minutes! The arriving containers would slide to the curb where you could leisurely get out. The section could now be properly cleaned for the next group.
Remember, you heard it here first!! Boeing, are you listening? Moooo!
Jack Hartmann has been an aviator for over 44 years - Airline Captain (TWA), Corporate Pilot, Sky Marshal, Fighter Pilot (USAF & ANG), General Aviation pilot (CFII) and Asst. Professor, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University (Prescott).